Being ‘Uncled’…

Uncle.. How those words rankle in you mind when you are called exactly that.. I did that through out my life to anyone who looked 5 years older than me without discretion.. I thought it was the easiest thing to call someone without being rude and without having to go through the trouble of asking for names. I was mighty pleased with this arrangement until total I was at the receiving end.. Playing cricket with some guys 10 years younger than me,  thought I was just being my young self.. Until the batsman got out and looked back at me and single handedly made me feel 20 years older by saying; ‘Uncle you can bat now’. He said this without hesitation, without batting an eyelid.. My temporary limp and my 4 day old stubble did not help me either..Being just over 25 I thought I wouldn’t hear the word for at least 10 years.. And now it hit me.. Now I understand the relevance of the old Hair Dye AD wherein a middle aged man is agonizing over being called an Uncle (Uncle.. Uncle..  the echo went in the AD) because of a little grey hair.. The target segment must have connected with the AD and sent sales shooting.. Coz its difficult to handle being called Uncle by the PYT next door..

 

How am I gonna get out of this situation now? Cant look younger, cant turn back time, cant make the kids grow faster.. Hell, I was the youngest guy amongst my roomies and never felt old. I made them feel ancient even! I’ve nearly run out of options and resigned to the fact of being ‘Uncled’.. And then it struck me. Maybe there is a Win-win situation after all. I could hang out with people older than me and “Uncle” them every chance I get! But that would lead to another problem, as embarrassing as the previous one, that of being labeled the ‘kid’ (Bachhu) and resigning to a life of not being taken seriously ever L

A resignation letter

 This is a ‘dream’ resignation letter a friend of mine has written in anticipation of resigning from her company… Makes good reading..:-)

Dear All

Time has moved and so must we!

 

It is with this pleasant thought that I would like to inform you that I have decided to move out of K-company and move into avenues which would give me more scope to learn and grow. In my brief stint at K-company, I have mentally degenerated till my brain has poured itself out of my ears and fallen to the ground like amoeba and people have walked all over it and squished and squashed it till it disappeared and merely blobs of it were left lying on the road for stray dogs to lick. I have as a result become brain- dead and incapable of thinking or behaving like any prudent person would.

 

K-company has however given me great things too. It gave me a chance to make great friends and interact with people with similar inclination and talents like mine, who have enriched my life and motivated me at every juncture. A rarity, I must say, cuz ‘Gems’ like me are indeed hard to find in this unscrupulous and lackadaisical world. I would specially like to thank Shamitha and Sid for this. With them I learnt what working hard truly means and how it always reaps results. They taught me the importance of maintaining excellent rapoort with all my colleagues( like Asha,Rajesh and Paddy) and to respect, follow and blossom under the leadership of eminent and prominent personalities like Mr. Murthi, Mr. Himesh and Mr. Sheyas ( fondly remembered as telco MT, hippo and bull dog). For this I shall always be grateful. More than that, I discovered with them every single gigantic, not so gigantic, quaint, shady( sometimes not so shady) hang-out in the city where we could fruitfully pass time brain-storming about our business ventures, discussing politics, the economy and sometimes matters of phenomenal importance. I am sure those places in years to come will be remembered as spots where the greatest inventions and business plans were discussed by the ‘three great Maestros’.

 

Last but not the least I would like to thank all the staff and managers of Kafeoke, Anokhee, Coffee world, Barista, Amethyst, Pepper and theosophical society for housing us there during all those afternoons where we would sprawl on their couches and hog on their food. Without those guys this year would not have been possible. They are the guys who made the difference and are the real Heroes. A big THANK YOU to them.

 

I know it must be really tough on K-company to let a star performer like me leave but sometimes you have to let your loved one’s go for their better good. I had come to K-company on a mission and I think I have succeeded in my target of a 30% fall in K-company share prices. I am sure you would understand when I say there are a lot more companies in the country where my valuable contribution is required . Quoting Robert frost “.. I have promises to keep , and miles to go before I can sleep”. I do, however, have one suggestion for the senior management of K-company. If you want K-company to progess as much as it has in the last few months, Gtalk should not be blocked and it would hinder ‘hidden’ Ajays, Shamithas and Sids from realizing their full potential and God would never forgive you for that. So let your conscience rise and help humanity. I thus conclude “ Unblock Gtalk, unblock roads to progress”

 

I thus bid adieu to all of you. Please take care of Ajay and Mohan for me.

 

I sincerely hope our association shall stand the tests of time.

 

Thank you all,

 

Frustrated soul

Best MT and Star Perfomer.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tashan is for Tarzan ( and his Gorilla friends)!

 

 

Tashan.. A movie? A combination of random scenes? A read out of Hindi Dialogues? A wannabe fashion documentary? Or an explanation of Hindi movies for dummies? I still cant figure out.. Going by the shocked expression of 200 odd partners in crime (Crime being watching Tashan) sitting in Sterling theater, Mumbai, I’m sure none of them could figure that out too..

What the movie caters to is one specific type of audience.. With a character exclusively catering to this audience.. The Gorilla.. ( Aksay is referred as such in the movie) The Gorilla is a truly remarkable animal. It has extraordinary physical strength with an IQ above many other animals. It can show emotions such as happiness, anger, love, lust etc (Now that’s stretching it!). When the gorilla watches a movie like Tashan, It would love it, no it would truly appreciate the storyline, the clever jokes, the fantastic violence and the skin show.. It would understand the entire movie without a grunt..The movie as such is good, only that it was not shown to the right target audience. A couple of multiplexes in the jungles and guess what! You have hit on your hands!

With Kareena looking thinner than the horizon of the sea from which she emerges, the movie is also a good ‘Dekho’ for majority of the male population ( Evolved gorillas). But Akshay stole the show with his sub-human behavior and his ‘electrifying stunts’. Not only will he get Kareena in the movie but many female fans thumping their chests in the jungle multiplexes..

 All in all in Bhaiyaji’s words: “ The movie is the most the Bail-tati (Bullshit) the time pass available to the Janta of the India”

 

“The movie may have come and led to mass intellect destruction, but that is what they (supposedly) call Tashan”

 

 

the F word…

Today we shall talk about why we as a race should not be inclined towards ‘fitting in’. Fitting in, Adapting, Being one with the crowd, belonging. These words reflect what majority of us do day in  and day out, all our lives. What if I’m not accepted, what if people around us think we are stepping out of the line, what if…? such words not only reflect the basic insecurity in all of us, but also the fact that our thought processes have adapted to the fact that we really need to do what everyone else is doing, or else..

Well, so what if u do what u really intend to do? maybe not attend that party for instance. or not suck up to your boss, or not smoke up with your friends? usual reactions: No friends, no promotions and no life.. well, u cant be wronger than that.. If that is the life you want, then it is not really going to make you happy.. maybe by not fitting in,you could be doing something which really makes you happy and your life meaningful, thought about that? Also when you don’t fit in, you intrigue.. you intrigue the group, the society and voila! you have people wanting to fit in with you.. that is when you have moved on from being a follower to a trend setter..

Not many people would agree with what i said.. most of the people who do not fit in with the main stream of society feel that they are ‘picked on, teased,left out, lonely or treated like outcasts’..Nothing could be closer to the truth.. But( yes, there is always a but) this happens only when you do not find any other activity to channelise you time, creativity and energy in.. Why do people go about shooting innocent school students? Only because they did not fit in and did not have another place to channelise their energy..

The pressure of fitting in can have a long term effect on the youth.. As they are doing stuff dictated largely by the norms of the group or society, they tend to feel isolated or inadequate over a period of time, a deep sense of shame develops when they do not adhere to the set norms and they will neglect what really matters… The most dangerous problem arising out of this epidemic is the way it spreads.. between friends, from insecure parents to their malleable kids , from the colleagues.. 

In the hurry to fit in, we have over looked one important issue.. The issue of the rift between who you are and who you wanted to be …

Testing the testers

 

One of the most dreaded places to visit in the India is definitely the RTO ( Regional Transport Office). This is one place where you realize that all that talk about India being corrupt, is true. For an average Indian, who wants to do things the clean way ( no bribes, no influence , no nothing) this is a true test of your beliefs. Now I do not claim to be very honest and ethical, but yeah, I do have some standards. One of them being not bribing unless absolutely required. Going to the RTO without a tout or a driving school personnel accompanying you does make one feel out of place! You are asked ten extra questions on road signs, told to staple that extra pin in and to stand at all the counters and the grand finale would be when they tell you that you have failed. After such experiences for my bike license, I decided to get my car License done. I spoke to people, asking if I had to pay some ‘ speed money’ and the answer was always in the affirmative. I was disappointed and really felt the system just weighing me down.

I decided to get my Learner’s license and I failed the first time. I apparently did not know all the signs required for driving. Then I see these driving schools candidates walking past me and everyone passing without a question. So I promptly mug the sign chart and go for the test again. This time I’m asked all sorts of questions on road rules but I manage to pass with flying colours! I rejoice for a month and then again I’m left worrying about going to the RTO for my permanent license. I make up my mind to pay a thousand rupees to a tout and get the license hassle free. But at the RTO I have a change of heart and decide to take on the system. My first hurdle, getting myself enrolled for the test. The man there calmly tells me that there are too many applicants that day and I will have to come the next day. I ask him twice and he refuses. I go to the RTO commissioner and lament that I cannot take a leave and be told to come another day. The commissioner listens and signs my document and tells me to sit for the test the same day. A small battle won. Now I face the inspector. He asks me all the road signs again and I am flabbergasted, as I had already cleared the test. I still manage to answer and he tells me to get into the car and drive. He asks me only 1 question. What does your father do? I saw no relevance in his question but answered anyway. My father, who had accompanied me, started telling me how I will never get the license and that bribery is the only way. I nod and wait for the inspector to let me know my fate. My name is called; I walk in .The inspector looks up. He tells me to practice stopping on the road and that I did not do it properly. I give him that ‘ I know I’m gonna be failed’ look. Then he tells me that I have passed. I’m like, what?!!! And then jump up and shake his hand vigorously and thank him. And that’s how it ended. I told my dad who was outside, that I passed. He said that we saved a thousand bucks. I smiled to myself thinking that what was saved was my faith in the system. The inspector had just saved the entire system failing in my eyes, and through this blog I guess in the eyes of so many other ‘average Indians’.

Going Rural = Dead meat!

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Go rural, go rural, go rural! That’s all they said in B school… Made it sound like a ‘cool’ thing to do.. I naively believed them. Now I know.

Just finishing my rural stint and I must admit, I will not forget this trip easily. Never having stayed in a small town/ village like I did for the past 2 weeks, I had a tough time getting my bearings right in this place. Buried in the south of Gujrat, 2 taluks, Kamrej and Kim were the venues for this brutal assault on my senses. There were 2 of us, versus the countryside. A study on the rural consumers, they said.. I think we were the ones who were being studied.. studied for our creativity to kill boredom, to adapt to the same food day in day out, For our skills in communicating by hand signs, for our survival skills while battling the viral and the mighty local transport system! (I may sound a little angry and frustrated here, but need to get it out of my system) I also realized how long 2 weeks can be.. surely time slows down in these places!

Now lets get to the good news.. we had an AC room, but no power for 2- 3 hours a day ( mostly when we were in the room), We had cable TV ( yes we did!), and…… Guess the good news ends here..

But the people here are not ‘villagers’ as we city dwellers tend to believe, as can be seen from the Honda Citys on the road and Pears soaps flying of the shelves. The best part of the stint was the visit to the interior villages where solitary trees sway to the breeze seductively, cows graze in gay abandon, green fields spread out invitingly..( getting too poetic here I guess!) But seriously the above scenario along with the gentle rain was inspiring! Village belles are a myth, not that we went looking for them.. I think thanks to the rural to urban migration, the good looking crowd has moved to the cities.. You will notice many such villagers in cities.. well disguised in Levi’s ( mostly called levees), in Nike shoes ( mostly called Naeeek), and feasting on noodles ( mostly called nood –less).

One good thing here is when you tell someone you are from the city, you most probably will hear someone say ‘oh I know so and so from this city, have you met them?’ haaaa.. What presumptuous people, I say! Are our cities small villages for everyone to know everyone?? You will get many more such examples in my future posts.. till then, keep away from rurality ( if there is a word like that), and guess what! It rhymes with brutality, frugality, frustrationability, Boreability, Dieability

Being Shivajied!

 

What do you get when you cross a rupee coin, a chewing gum, a mammoth budget, 80 wigs ( and the lack of one) and the most famous Tamilian in Japan?? You get Sivaji – the Boss! Recently having seen it, I must say that it is only rivaled in amusement value and sheer thrill by my trip on the Bombay locals. The movie is more than a movie.. it is a collage of varied subjects like; electrifying oneself, bringing people to life at one’s will and wish, hero who treads the same path as that of the villain and yet succeeds in looking good, and plenty of ‘dark’ comedy ( you should see the movie for just this scene!). Using his original name ( Shivaji Gaekwad) , Rajni once again fights the system and emerges the people’s hero. Not only has Rajni managed to infuse more style into his already loaded portfolio, but has also provided a refresher course on his older movies through smartly created scenes. The songs are actually good to watch with the actress showing ‘more’ than just a lot of potential;-) the only hitch in the plot was the placement of various brands which diluted the impact of certain sequences. Nevertheless, This movie not only keeps you riveted to your seat with plenty of scenes of one-man-bashing-hundred-others-single-handed, but also by the fantastic comic timing of both Vivek and Rajni. Knowing Tamil is mandatory to soak in the full essence of the movie, but not knowing Tamil will not hinder you from laughing your head off most of the time.. A must watch for all youngsters, and for the oldies who can take a tip or two on how to look younger, from the Boss himself – Sivaji!What do you get when you cross a rupee coin, a chewing gum, a mammoth budget, 80 wigs ( and the lack of one) and the most famous Tamilian in Japan?? You get Sivaji – the Boss! Recently having seen it, I must say that it is only rivaled in amusement value and sheer thrill by my trip on the Bombay locals. The movie is more than a movie.. it is a collage of varied subjects like; electrifying oneself, bringing people to life at one’s will and wish, hero who treads the same path as that of the villain and yet succeeds in looking good, and plenty of ‘dark’ comedy ( you should see the movie for just this scene!). Using his original name ( Shivaji Gaekwad) , Rajni once again fights the system and emerges the people’s hero. Not only has Rajni managed to infuse more style into his already loaded portfolio, but has also provided a refresher course on his older movies through smartly created scenes. The songs are actually good to watch with the actress showing ‘more’ than just a lot of potential;-) the only hitch in the plot was the placement of various brands which diluted the impact of certain sequences. Nevertheless, This movie not only keeps you riveted to your seat with plenty of scenes of one-man-bashing-hundred-others-single-handed, but also by the fantastic comic timing of both Vivek and Rajni. Knowing Tamil is mandatory to soak in the full essence of the movie, but not knowing Tamil will not hinder you from laughing your head off most of the time.. A must watch for all youngsters, and for the oldies who can take a tip or two on how to look younger, from the Boss himself – Sivaji!

 

 

 

 

 

Gwalior

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Local Train stories…

One of the dirtiest, craziest and amazing experiences of my life was when I traveled by the great Mumbai local train yesterday. Not only is the train the fastest and cheapest mode of transport in Mumbai, but is also one the most crowded one, which I learnt on my trip. Standing on the platform with my ticket in my hand and the other clutching my new phone in my pocket and my constantly checking for my wallet in my back pocket, I waited nervously for the train to roll in. As the train rolled in, The air got electrified, the crowd got restless, anxious faces all around me.. The quest for that elusive foothold was on! As the train slowed, there was a roar from the crowd in the train which was complimented by the now rising din on the platform. People shouting, women lugging crying babies, and hundreds of people swarmed towards the door. But they were pushed back by the flow of human bodies falling out of the train and the entire scene was violent to say the least. I stood there, frozen in time, wondering if I should even attempt to get into the train. My dilemma was resolved when i found myself being forced ot get into the train by the sheer mass of people behind me! I gripped my phone tighter and held on to the overhead handles. The sheer smell of sweat soaked people, hair soaked in oil brushing my face, and bad breath all around me hit me like a brick wall. The train left in 15 seconds with people hanging out of it like flies at a vada pav stall.

As the journey progressed, I noticed a strange phenomenon. Everyone seemed engrossed in their own thoughts but there was a silent struggle going on in terms of space. People nudged each other, jostled and pushed, but no one said a word. It was unreal the way the storm at the station had manifested itself into this calm but silent struggle within the train. Tension slowly started building up as the next station approached. People started moving towards the exit and thus the struggle to get out of the train begin. Form the inside of the train, what i saw was sheer war to my inexperienced eyes. People practically threw the passengers at the exit out of the train eve n before the train came to a halt. I cleverly positioned myself and took my place in front of the crowd and was ejected as soon as the train halted. I was still clutching the phone and was relieved to find my wallet in place too. Quite to my surprise, I’m looking forward to my next trip on this beast, but perhaps in the first class…

‘Branded’ for life…?

Very often I face an annoying dilemma. More than a dilemma its like an eternal conflict  in the head that refuses die down. It is a conflict which most of the human race must be going though on a daily basis but it only torments a few like me. I guess for me it’s a question of rebelling against what is embedded in my DNA; to be an economical animal. The question I am asking here is if it is right to always pay for an item for only the value the buyer sees in it or is it more to do with the value the rest of the world associates with that item or is it about what value the person can generate using that particular item.

This is where the business of brands comes in. A brand is built by highlighting the value delivered to the owner of the product belonging to the brand. It sometimes does not have anything to do with the quality of the product. It is all about how the rest of the world sees you with a product whose brand name has been artificially enhanced using famous personalities, glitzy advertising or any other of the million brand building tools available today.

 

Now why is it important for someone to manipulate the way he lives, just for a large mass of people who are blinded by the branding mentioned above and base their impressions on this jaundiced eye perspective? Doesn’t it make a person feel stupid to cater to this kind of crowd? Wouldn’t it make a person happier to buy an unbranded product he sees value in and feels comfortable using?

 

The answer to all the above questions is a resounding NO! Today the human race is all geared to live in this world so cleverly built up by marketing departments of different organizations. When I say, geared up, I mean, the readiness to suppress one’s own feeling of being cheated, of being forced to do something that they would not do otherwise, for bowing to the pressures of the other people who themselves have sold their souls to the brand factory.

 

I will not deny that I myself am a victim of this peculiar disease and practice this ritual regularly. During my shopping binges, when my mind tells me I shouldn’t be succumbing to ‘ Brand Pressure’ (Think I coined a new jargon here!), I prefer to listen to my heart which in its own way makes me feel good that I got a bargain by buying something for double the price it was worth (which I realize only after I get home and feel stupid). All this is after me being a self proclaimed miser and a ‘ value for money’ seeking person! Even gifts today are judged by the brands and not by the thought behind them. Gone are the days when getting a gift mattered, now its all about getting the ‘rightly branded’ gift!

 

I would expect the world to get so full of brands in the future, that value wont be seen even in them. That is when we will look towards a classier, unbranded way of living life. I expect my humble article to get several hits during that period!

Don’t get me wrong here, and assume that now I will use only unbranded and simplistic stuff. After all, in today’s world, there is still one brand that no one wants to be branded; ‘a loser’!